


Remember Me?

by Slytherin_Princess_Nysa



Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Canon Compliant, Difficult Decisions, Ellick, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, Memory Loss, Sweet, episode 17x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22708522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherin_Princess_Nysa/pseuds/Slytherin_Princess_Nysa
Summary: After the car ran them down, Nick remains unconscious. Ellie and the team catch the bad girl on their own and Ellie waits for him to wake up. But when he does, it’s not her Nick. It’s a Nick who doesn’t remember who she is, who the team is, even who he’s become.It gets even more complicated when the doctors tell Nick she’s his wife and he has no reason to think otherwise.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop & Nick Torres, Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	Remember Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t taken a medical class since I decided not to be a neurosurgeon and I didn’t want to go into super medical jargon that would confuse people about how head injuries can cause severe memory loss, so just enjoy the story and on we go-

Nick’s eyes opened slowly and he groaned at the pounding headache behind his eyes and over the back of his head. He glanced around the room and reached up to touch the ache on his forehead. His fingertips touched the bandage and he flinched back as the bright light registered and he grit his teeth, clamping his eyes shut.

“What the hell is happening?” he asked the empty hospital room.

Taking a few deep breaths through his nose, Nick opened his eyes again, pushing up on his hands to sit up in the bed. Medically dulled but still sharp pain burst through his chest and Nick had had enough broken ribs to recognize it.

He fell comfortably against his pillows, looking around the room. It was clean, a private room with a wide window. There was a bouquet of wildflowers on the nightstand and a woman’s purse on the chair by his bedside. Lucia must have heard about whatever happened to him. He wracked his brain but couldn’t remember anything past the smell of burning tires.

Nick spotted his chart hooked at the edge of his bed. Glancing out the door to make sure no one was coming, Nick reached for it, grunting as he bent at the waist to grab it. The second he opened the file, Nick knew something was very wrong.

Last thing he could remember was hearing about his brother-in-law’s death. He had used one of his fake identities to get on the first bus out of Mexico, he vaguely remembered getting off the bug at the station and getting the sense that he was being followed.

But according to the little date at the top of his chart that was almost four years ago. He sat up straighter, reading over the personal information there. Full name, birthday, family, blood type, eye and hair colour. It was all right. His eyes dropped to his emergency contact, expecting to see Lucia’s name. Instead it was another mystery.

“Who the hell is Eleanor Bishop?” he slammed closed the file and tossed it by his feet. “Jesus Christ, what is happening?”

He lowered himself gently into the bed, pulling the blankets up his chest and staring at the ceiling. Nothing made sense. How could he be missing four years from his life? Where had he gone? What had he done? Where were Lucia and Amanda? Were they okay?

The door flew open and a flustered blonde marched inside, huffing as she closed the door behind her. His eyebrows rising when she comfortably plopped down into the chair, moving the purse and burying her face in her hands.

“Medical professionals,” she snorted. “They couldn’t find their ass with every machine in this damn hospital.” He couldn’t help it, he chuckled and her head snapped up. “Nick?”

“Hello-” Before he could do anything more than sit up in bed a little more, the woman had practically climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Slowly, his arms came to hug her back and he felt her breath of relief.

“I was so worried about you.” she pulled back to look into his face, fingers smoothing over his cheeks and the red rims around her eyes pulled at his chest. She grinned and Nick thought she had a very sweet smile. “You’ve been asleep for a week and the doctors kept saying you might not wake up and-”

She buried her face in his shoulder and Nick found himself wanting to comfort her. Something about her comforted him, made him feel safe and at ease. It wouldn’t be a stretch to think that Nick had met someone over the years- even if he couldn’t remember it. He rubbed down her back, “It’s okay. I’m alive and well.”

She sat back and pulled his hand into her lap, holding onto it tightly. “Alive, yes, well? You look like you fought a car and lost, speaking of. What the hell were you thinking? You push me out of the way but let yourself get hit?”

“Sorry?” he cringed when she stared at him in disbelief, he supposed apologies weren’t something he did very often. “I guess I had my priorities straight.”

“You’re sweet but if you die on me, Torres, I will bring you back somehow and kick your ass.” she threatened but Nick could tell she was still vibrating with worry. Her hands squeezed his and Nick desperately wanted to know who she was.

“Pardon me,” she turned to the door when a woman in bright blue scrubs came through. She smiled brightly and Nick thought he  _ should _ find her attractive but something in his mind didn’t click. “Mrs Torres, if you wouldn’t mind waiting outside while I grab a doctor to check him? Your friends are in the waiting room, you can let them know he’s awake.”

Nick stared at her - his wife? - as she numbly nodded, not taking her eyes off the doctor before she stood up. She turned to press a quick kiss to his forehead, smiling down at him, “You’d better be here when I get back.”

“Where else would I go?” his throat was surprisingly dry.

She slipped out of the room and Nick waited for the doctor, staring out the observation window into the waiting room. His wife - Eleanor, he concluded - was talking to an older man with grey hair and a suit jacket, the man - her father? - pulled her into a tight hug and a woman with blonde hair waved towards him.

He was married?

It wasn’t something he ever thought he would have. He wasn’t the commitment type. Never had been. Not since his dad left, not since his mother became distant and he started living as someone else for undercover missions. Nick wasn’t used to taking care of anyone but himself. What was he supposed to do with a wife he couldn’t remember?

Eleanor was beautiful and she acted like she cared about him a lot. But he knew nothing else about her. Nothing about them at all. And he had jumped in front of a car for her?

His mind was filled with questions about her, about  _ them _ , about the last four years.

“Mr Torres? Are you alright?”

“I-” he stared at his hands. “No. No, I’m not. I’m not okay. I can’t-”

The doctor lowered the chart he had been marking and took a step towards him. Nick took deep breaths. “You can’t what?”

“I can’t recognize my own wife.” he dug his fingers into his hair, shaking his head. “I don’t know who any of those people she’s talking to are either. I don’t remember anything I’ve said or done in the last four years and I don’t- I can’t-”

“Don’t worry,” the doctor soothed. “Memory loss is common with head injuries. You sustained a traumatic brain injury in your accident. Hopefully your memory will come back gradually but it’s important to be patient and take things carefully.”

“Hopefully?” he snapped. This couldn’t be happening. Things like this didn’t happen in real life. “I can’t remember the woman I married or where I’ve been for the last four years and all you can say to me is that my memory will  _ hopefully _ come back?”

“You have people who love you. The waiting room has been filled with your coworkers and family since you were brought in. Your wife has been driving the hospital staff crazy, the nurses call her Forest, as in run.” his eyes widened dramatically and Nick tried to picture Eleanor running around yelling her head off.

The nurse had been quietly taking his vitals and Nick jumped when she brushed against his shoulder. “Eleanor Torres doesn’t sound right.”

“I think they call her Ellie.” she muttered and the doctor nodded.

“Ellie Torres,” he tasted the name on his tongue. It sounded better, more genuine. Almost familiar like he could remember saying it, thinking it before.

He watched as the doctor and nurse walked out of his room, the doctor walking out to Ellie and  _ their _ friends. He watched, almost in slow motion, as she found out. Her face cracked, shoulders dropping and she stumbled back into her father. Nick could feel his heart ache when she started crying.

* * *

When Ellie had shown him their home, all Nick could think was that it was the first place he had ever lived in that actually looked like a  _ home _ . And he couldn’t actually remember living here. He could recognize his own taste in the furniture and set up but he couldn’t remember buying any of the pieces.

Ellie had gone to the store to buy junk food, apparently she liked to snack when she was stressed and he could see how having your spouse not remember who you are would be stressful. When she looked at him, she had this hope that he would suddenly remember and when he didn’t, he could see the flash of pain in her eyes before she covered it up.

Nick looked around their apartment while she was out, trying to remember anything. Not just for himself but for her too. He’d been home for over two weeks and she was as kind and genuine as he thought she was. She wasn’t his usual type, but there was something about Ellie that made him inherently happy and calm.

He relied on her for everything. She knew their neighbours, their coworkers, their friends. Ellie knew all the people that stopped by to see him and whispered their names when he forgot. He found himself leaning into her, craving her smile and wanting to hold her hand. It all felt very sappy and unlike him.

It never went further than a kiss on the cheek or a soft hand on her back as they walked down the street. Nick would be lying if he said he remembered Ellie but he was remembering the feeling of her. He could remember feeling his heart skip a beat at the thought of her, the flutter in his stomach when he talked to her, the simple joy of being around her.

Being around Ellie was like being bathed in warm sunlight. She was full of happiness and radiated it. And Nick? Nick wasn’t like that. He had a dark past and liked keeping his personal life personal and the exact opposite of his wife.

For the upteenth time, he wondered what had happened to him during the last four years.

There were pictures nailed to the walls and Nick couldn’t remember having anything stuck to his wall since he was a teenager and had an unhealthy obsession with rock bands and pretty girls draped over motorcycles.

There was one of Lucia, Amanda and him at a birthday, judging by the silly cone hat he had on his head and a smear of cake on his niece’s cheek. Another one showed the grey haired man, the one he now knew was their boss, standing next to a goth girl with high pigtails and a tall man with a goatee. One of Ellie sitting at her work desk, typing away at her computer and him sitting on the shelf behind her, looking at her with a soft smile. One of Ellie and a dark man, Clay he’d been told, a background of mountains surrounding them.

They were pieces of their lives. Some of them clear and straightforward - birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving - and some that he couldn’t understand. Maybe they were inside jokes or maybe because he couldn’t recognize most of the people in them.

There was one of Ellie and him that really confused him. Ellie was sitting in an old fashioned maroon booth, a bowl of ice cream in front of her and a wide grin on her face. What caught his attention was the wedding ring on her finger. She didn’t wear a ring now and there weren’t any pictures of their wedding or honeymoon.

At first he had found it hard to believe that he was married, had struggled to adjust to sharing a space with her. He even slept on the couch for the first week, not wanting to overfamiliarize with her. But the way Ellie was with him - sweet and patient and always willing to listen and tell him little anecdotes about his life. It was impossible to ignore the love shining through when she spoke to him.

Nick never thought he would be married, never thought he would be in a position where he had a stable job and home and friends. A life outside of catching bad guys and pretending to be new people every few years. And here he had a girl who looked at him the way she did, that thought so highly of him.

“What are you looking at?” he whipped around to face her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I thought you heard me come in.”

“No, no, I was just wondering about this picture.” he pointed at the one he had been staring at. “You’re wearing a wedding ring here but you don’t have one now. Are we separated?”

She shook her head and Nick felt relief run through him. Knowing he didn’t mess up the only serious relationship in his life, even if he couldn’t remember it, was comforting. “No, not separated. You didn’t take that picture, but you liked it so much you stole it off my desk last year. Denied it to no end of course.”

“So if I didn’t take it,” he tapped at the glass where her wedding ring was, still confused. “Why are you wearing a ring?”

“I was married before. His name was Jake and he worked at the NSA with me. He cheated on me and I left him. We were divorced by the time you and I met.”

“We met when you and Gibbs brought me into NCIS after my brother-in-law was murdered.” he started and Ellie eagerly urged him on. “I joined the team temporarily to take down Silva and after we arrested him, I was invited to join the team.”

“And who was on the team?” This was a little game they had started playing. When he remembered something, she would ask a follow up question or two to see if he could shake anything else loose.

“You, my old instructor Alex, McGee and-” he snapped his fingers. “Gibbs!”

“Yes!” When Ellie went to hug him, Nick was ready. He had gotten used to her physical touch, it calmed him like nothing else ever did and he lifted her up with a laugh. “You’ll remember everything before you know it.”

Nick thought she sounded a little sad.

* * *

“Nick?” Ellie groggily opened her eyes as he shook her. She sat up in bed quickly, worry etched into her face and Nick felt terrible for scaring her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I remembered something,” he said excitedly. “You like bacon brown sugar chips, your middle name ia Raye, you have three brothers and when we met you pointed a gun at me.”

He had been getting little flashes, remembering random little things. Like the name of his favourite bagel place, the flavour of his birthday cake last year, even the names of Tim’s wife and twin daughters. Every name that came back to him, every detail was a victory to him. According to his doctor, it was more progress than they had expected this soon.

But it wasn’t enough for Nick.

Ellie laughed, “Everything you remember is about me?”

She was in an OK sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants she had slipped on after a quick tumble in the dryer. Hair knotted and she scrubbed at her eyes with a little pout on her lips. Nick thought she was absolutely adorable in her pajamas and in their bed.

Nick pulled her into his arms without a thought, it was instinct to want to touch and hold her and Nick didn’t feel like stopping himself, and Ellie relaxed against him. “Tell me something about us?” Ellie hummed in question. “Anything.”

“I realized I was in love with you after we went undercover together,” she started slowly. “We were pretending to be a couple and I kissed you as Charlie, my cover, and it was like I was learning how to breathe for the first time. We got separated and you almost died,” she snuggled closer to him and Nick tightened his hold on her. “And I couldn’t imagine losing you.”

“Ellie, I don’t know if I’ll ever remember everything. About you or the team or even  _ me _ .” She sat up, ready to reassure him but he hurried on before she could. “But I know that I care for you as sure as I know the sky is blue and grass is green. I can’t explain it because I can hardly remember anything about us but I know that I do.”

She looked up at him, resting her head on his shoulder. “You’ll remember.”

“You sound so sure.” He tried not to think about the doubt that had crawled into his mind since he woke up in the hospital last month. Nick wanted to know his wife and their friends and their life. All he knew was that he loves her.

“I have more than a little faith in you.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple and pulled the blanket around her. The moonlight came through the window and Ellie’s skin glowed a heavenly silver. “What would I do without you?”

_ Run around like a lost fool _ , his brain supplied.

“Probably-” she was so relaxed and comfortable laying against him that he couldn’t help it. Nick leaned forward gently, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against hers.

He felt her eyelashes flutter on his cheeks as she melted against him. Her fingers dug into his hair, nails scratching gently over the nape of his neck. Her lips tasted like mint toothpaste and iced tea. Nipping at her lower lip, Nick swallowed the breathy sigh as her lips parted. They moved together, torturously slowly.

A ball of nerves started building in his stomach.

Nick’s hands wrapped around her waist and Ellie’s knees digging into the mattress as she turned in his lap. His tongue swept inside, a spike of her taste flashing through him and his fingers tugged at her thighs, pulling her closer.

Little sighs slipped from Ellie’s lips and Nick felt his blood boil, hands sliding up her heated skin and under her sweatshirt to rest at her waist. She ground against him and Nick kissed her more frantically, her delicate skin soft and pliant under his hands.

Her hands were everywhere - tugging his hair, touching his face, sliding down his chest. Her touch was like fire. His skin burned wherever she touched and he could barely breathe. Ellie filled all his senses. All he felt, tasted, smelled, wanted was Ellie.

Their hips moved together and Nick’s hands moved up, taking the fabric of her shirt with him. Her chest brushed against his and Nick groaned at the feel of her. Ellie jerked away, yanking her shirt down with shaky fingers and shook her head, “No, this isn’t right.”

“Why isn’t it right?” he pleaded, taking her face in his hands. Her lips were bruised bright red and her lovely blown doe eyes were wide. All he wanted was to kiss her again. “You’re my wife and I know how I feel about you, El.”

“But you don’t remember, Nick,” she sniffed, her voice small. “And I want you to know everything about yourself and me and the four years you’ve lost before anything happens between us. Please understand?”

“You’re right, something I think is very common. I shouldn’t have started something that I couldn’t finish.” he peppered kisses over her face in apology and Ellie hugged him tightly.

They pulled away, Ellie dropping into the bed next to him but Nick didn’t open his eyes, he was at peace laying there with his lips burning and arms filled with Ellie Torres.

He made himself comfortable in their bed, making sure the blanket covered her shoulders so she wouldn’t be cold. “Nick?”

“Hm?”

“When you remember everything,” she mumbled, blinking tiredly. Ellie curled further into his side, tucking her feet under his legs to warm her chilled toes. “Please don’t hate me.”

“I could never.” He glanced down at her, finding her sound asleep.

Nick never thought he was the type of man to want to be with someone for the rest of his life but laying in bed, with Ellie in his arms as she slept? All Nick thought was that the type of man he used to be was gone. Even if he couldn’t clearly remember when the change had happened, Nick was glad for it.

* * *

Nick sat on their couch - not theirs, his, his couch. Nick pressed the ice pack on his forehead and hoped the pounding headache would go away. He rubbed over his face furiously, trying to understand what the hell happened since he woke up in that hospital bed.

After breakfast that morning, Ellie had left for NCIS and to have a talk with Vance. Nick had been out of work for a little over two months and Ellie had been working from their -  _ his _ \- apartment most days and Vance was pushing to fill their spots on Gibbs’ team with more permanent agents instead of temporary aids. Gibbs had called Ellie in to convince Vance that they would both be back to work eventually, he just needed to be patient with Nick.

Nick had spent his day doing mundane things, it had been lonely without her but Nick liked the schedule she had set up for them. He checked in with Lucia and Amanda before he went out on a jog around the neighbourhood, but it was just as he was coming out of the shower that it hit him. A tsunami of memories.

He knew everything about his life, down to the last detail of what had happened to him over the last four years. Acclimating to the team, bonding with them, falling in love with Ellie. Everything was back with a vengeance and there was a sick feeling churning in his stomach.

Ellie wasn’t his wife, she wasn’t Ellie Torres. She was Ellie Bishop, his best friend and the girl he had been pining over for the last three years. Some days he felt like Ellie knew and returned his feelings. But he never would have wanted her to pretend to be his wife - to be  _ his _ when she didn’t want to be. He was a fucking idiot.

He was so lost in his head that he didn’t hear the front door open or Ellie call out to him. Nick finally realized he wasn’t alone when he felt the weight shift as she sat down beside him. He lowered the ice pack, staring at her hand as she reached out to grip his hand.

Conscious of his shaking hand, Nick tucked a strand of loose blonde hair behind her ear. Ellie leaned into his hand, “Are you okay?”

“Do you love me?” he hadn’t meant to ask that. He’d meant to tell her he remembered and she didn’t have to pretend anymore but he found himself wanting to know the answer more.

Her eyes looked between his, her face open and Nick could see the honesty when she nodded, “I really do. Why are you asking?”

“You asked me not to hate you.” he could see the realization come over her face. The moment she realized he remembered everything.

Ellie covered her mouth, gasping, “You remember?”

Nick nodded slowly, turning fully towards her. “Why pretend to be my wife? Move all your things in here and live with me? Hold my hand, kiss me? Let me hold you?” He stood up, pacing away from her. “You’re the best person I know but this? This was cruel.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!” she reached out to him, cringing back when he stepped away. “When you were asleep, I was so worried about you. I barely left the hospital, I used my badge to get the nurses to let me spend the night and Delilah had to bring me food because I wouldn’t leave you. I was so scared that if I blinked,” she wiped at her cheeks and Nick forced himself to stay where he was. “You’d disappear.”

“You aren’t answering my questions.”

“When you woke up and the nurse called me  _ Mrs Torres _ ,” she bit her lip. “I didn’t bother correcting her. I thought we’d laugh about it and I would be embarrassed when you found out how I’d stayed at your bedside and how the hospital thought I was your wife. But you didn’t-”

“I didn’t remember and everyone was telling me you were my wife. Why play along?”

“The doctor said it wasn’t good for you to be left alone and we’d already accidentally introduced the idea that we were married so of course we would live together. He said telling you that we weren’t married would just confuse you more and you wouldn’t want to stay with any of us because you wouldn’t remember us and it would set back your recovery.” She took a chance to breathe and Nick let her grasp his hands. “I just wanted you to come back to me.”

“And hurting me along the way?” he stepped into her personal space and Ellie’s chin trembled as she tried to hold back tears. “That was just- what?”

“I never meant to hurt you, I swear.” he reached up to wipe the tears sliding down her cheeks and Ellie sighed at his touch. “All I wanted was you.”

He hated seeing Ellie cry, like a punch to the chest. It wasn’t right for her beautiful brown eyes to be overflowing with tears. Especially because of him, he felt his anger ebb and fade. He wasn’t angry at Ellie, he was furious about the car and his fragile skull. “That story you told me about realizing you were in love with me? Was that real?”

Ellie nodded quickly, her eyes staying on his and whispered, “Yes.”

She sniffed and a loud whimpering cry wracked her body. “Ellie, god, please stop crying. It breaks my heart seeing you cry.”

“I can’t, the floodgates are open now!” she covered her face and sobbed into her hands. Nick suspected that this was the first breakdown she’d had since he woke up in the hospital and he felt guilty that she had to bottle it all up to, ironically, not make him feel guilty. “I hurt you and I hate myself for it and I’m so, so sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry I lied to you.”

“No, no,” he tugged her into his arms and listened to her cry into his shoulder. “You were just trying to help me and I snapped at you because I was angry at myself. I’m sorry I accused you of doing anything wrong.”

“I just wanted you back, Nick. Just you.” she repeated into his shirt, breathing deeply and her cries quieted. Nick pulled back, brushing aside the blonde hair sticking to her wet and flushed cheeks. “That’s all I wanted.”

He hushed her gently, “I know, baby. You just wanted to help me.”

Nick fell onto the couch, pulling her down with him and Ellie tightened her arms around his chest, snuggling into him like she did in bed. He let her presence wash over him, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo and holding her hand like she would float away if he let go.

“Nick?” she asked.

He tried not to think about the last time she had used such a small voice. When he had kissed her and felt a piece of his heart burst out of his chest and wrap around her like a vice. The night he had truly felt like he was where he belonged for the first time since waking up, even if he couldn’t remember every step of the way there.

“Yeah?”

Ellie lifted her head and red rimmed eyes met his, “I love you.” her fingertips pressed against his lips. “I know it’ll take time for you to forgive me for pretending to be your wife and I don’t want you to say it back but I needed to say it.”

“I already forgave you, Ellie.” he stopped himself from saying anything else.

Nick didn’t know what would happen next. He had so much to do next - with NCIS, with the team and his family, even with Ellie. All her things were in this apartment and he had gotten so used to seeing her there and sleeping with her next to him. It wasn’t just his apartment anymore, it was  _ theirs _ and he knew that.

But all he needed right now was in his arms.

Ellie loves him, that was real.

She was real and Nick was happy with just that.


End file.
